When I was pregnant last time around, to prepare for giving birth we went to the NHS antenatal classes, I went to pregnancy yoga weekly, I read lots of books, magazines and blogs. It was the only time I could watch ‘One born every minute’ (couldn’t stomach it before or after!) We decided against paying for the NCT antenatal classes as we didn’t feel like we needed them, and they seemed like an extravagance.
Fast forward two years, and I can’t believe I’m contemplating this, but I’m thinking of doing NCT…. To buy some new friends!!
See, most of the mums I’ve met since having W who had done NCT generally agreed that the classes were ok but the best thing about it was the new lifelong friends they’d met…. Often the dads as well as the mums.
When I was on maternity leave last time around I was lucky to know about 5 people that were also off, who I did meet up with from time-to-time. I met some lovely people at the long list of classes I did, but never felt quite confident enough to suggest meeting up for a coffee/play date. Quite a few of these lovely people were already in NCT groups (they’d met at the classes) and they seemed like clans… impenetrable. Inseparable.
So I was quite envious of them at times. They were in whatsapp groups and messaged each other daily and during the night feeds. I can’t complain, whenever I felt lonely or was having a bad day, there was always a friend I could text who would understand exactly what I was going through… And I remember Twitter chats with other night feeders fondly…. But did I miss out? These little sisterhoods where you’re all going though the same issues, at the same time.
Due to the nature of NCT and the cost of the courses, I think you’d generally find like-minded people so a good chance of getting on with them, actually I only know one person who didn’t gel with her NCT group (but her OH bonded well with the dads so it was still worthwhile!)
I have plenty of friends, some with children, some without. I have a couple of close friends who’ll be off on maternity leave when I am. I’ll make plenty of new friends when W and his little brother go to school….
…but I’m still leaning towards the NCT class! It’s crazy, it will cost at least £100 at a time when we’re trying to save money. We had a positive birth experience last time around and don’t feel like we need more antenatal training (although the the refresher courses do cover topics like sibling rivalry too!)
Do you know what all this is about? FOMO (fear of missing out!), and so far FOMO is winning but I’ll see how I feel in a few weeks time 🙂
What would you do?!
.
yummyblogger.com 
I didn’t NCT with either pregnancy but was lucky, second time round, to have an great children’s centre on our doorstep. My HV put together a postnatal group inviting a group of us to come along to a few sessions. We’d all jad our babies within a 8 week period so were all at a similar stage. Some first timers and some second timers. We all bonded really well and have regular meet ups, park play dates, coffee round each others houses and meals out – as well as whatapp chats. It made a HUGE difference. I guess, I’d say NCT isn’t the only way, but I agree, it is important to find a support network. Good luck x
LikeLike
I loved my group and we’re mostly still in contact and friends although I rarely see them because I’m the only one who works full time. One’s moving to the US soon for 6 months which will be sad, but hopefully we’ll catch up before they go and more over the summer. It’s harder now they’re all at school.
Yes it might be buying friends, but I was really lucky with our group – we all get on well, and I’m still involved (just about) with our local branch so met some nice people through that too.
I do know friends who didn’t get onto the course near them, so ended up with groups who were widespread and none of them stayed friends which is a shame, but most do, at least during the initial mat leave period.
Is the course you’ll do a refresher one? Our brand does those for second time round mums.
LikeLike
I experienced something similar too. I didn’t do NCT classes but every time I joined a baby group – there would be the same clique of NCT mums huddled together and sometimes it felt like they actively ignored me (and anyone else who wasn’t part of their gang). It was horrible and actually put me off going to a lot baby groups in the early days. Part of me thinks I’m glad I wasn’t part of ‘that group’ because if they’re that stuck up, I doubt I’d want to be friends with them anyway. One of those ladies is my neighbour, she lives two doors away, has a daughter 2 days older than mine. And yet she NEVER once made an effort to talk to me when I was at baby groups because she had her NCT pals with her. It honestly felt a bit school yard at times. It all felt that bit worse because I was the first of my ‘normal’ friends to have a child so I didn’t have others I could text and be like “Is this normal?” – It’s ultimately the reason I started blogging. To find my own community. It’s not the same, but it’s the best I could do.
I’m not sure if I’d do NCT classes in the future because I imagine the first-time mums would stick together and the second-time mums would all be the same group of women as before!! That would just be my luck. 😉
LikeLike